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My cat has brain damage. I can't bear to look at him now. I wish they would've put him down. It's no way to live.

On Studies

It looks like I'm stuck with this place. I can't afford to go anywhere decent. A semester at LaSalle in Singapore costs as much as my entire three year degree.

Honestly, if I knew it was going to be this bad, I would've done something else: accounting, business - anything other than art.

A brief summary of Limkokwing so far:

- Severe staff shortage
- Disgusting people
- Terrible facilities
- Poor organization

You just don't feel like you're getting your money's worth. You constantly feel like all of this is tailored to someone with brain damage. All my classes are basically, "OK, here, go do this," and you just bring your progress over the semester. Barely any tutorials whatsoever. It's just so stupid that I - a novice - can score a 4.0 every semester and the only thing I do are the assignments. I just don't feel like I'm learning anything.

The people are trash. They go on about multiculturalism but they neglect to mention that most of the people that come here are from all these failed states. They're rude, they're loud and and they vandalize campus property. Last semester, we waited around until 11 for class to start because the lecturer had to go bail out a student who thought it was a good idea to go clubbing on a Wednesday night without his student card. And as you can expect, the assignments they turn in are always shit.

And of course, the university keeps passing them. It doesn't matter if they've never once turned up for class; it doesn't matter if they're selling drugs on campus; it doesn't matter if they never submitted any of their assignments. As long as they have the cash.

Honestly, I'm just so tired of all of this. I'm struggling so hard to achieve and it's always for nothing. It's looking like it'll be another fucked up year for me again. And now they're trying to shove that Global Classroom shit down our throats. I don't even know if it's compulsory or not. They won't tell me for sure.

It's been so long since I've been happy.   

2017

How did my life go so wrong?

Everything's just turned out so terrible.

I've lost all my friends and I'm stuck doing this worthless degree that I don't even like anymore. It's like everything I touch turns to shit.

I can't talk to anyone; not even my family - they don't understand, and I don't see a point in trying. I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind, cooped up in this house every day. I have nowhere to go and nowhere to be. I'm reminded of this every time I wake up in the morning.    

It's like it gets worse with every passing year. I'm somehow expected to carve out a life in this busy world full of awful people - wade through all the garbage so that I don't drown - that's my reward at the end of the day. You do all these things that you don't want to do, because you need to do more things that you don't want to do. That's how it works; that's supposed to be aspirational. 

Why is everything so difficult?

I've tried to be neutral about all of this but I just can't anymore. I feel like I might just kill myself this year. It would be so easy. I'd just have to bring a stool to the roof of OneCity and climb over the railing. I don't have a purpose in life. I've even cleaned up my room so they won't have to.

I need to go salvage what's left of my degree now. I told them I wanted out. I'm hoping I can get a credit transfer somewhere better. Or I don't know - maybe I'll stay.

I don't know what to do.